i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
