all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
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We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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