Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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