She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
