Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
