I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
