You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
