im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
