I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
