Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
