He uses pillows to masturbate.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
