Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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