i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
