Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize