Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
