I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
