I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
