I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
