Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
