You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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