i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
