Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
