sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
