I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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