it's like iHOP with fire
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
