Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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