I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize