Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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