I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish I only lived at night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
