I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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