He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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