last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
