Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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