idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
