looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
