If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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