Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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