in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
