I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
