There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
