That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
