I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
