marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
