I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
