I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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