I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
