need another drink. this is the easiest way
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
