someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
