were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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