can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
