he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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