Whod you bang
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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