apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
