ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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