Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Randomize
