dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
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I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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