dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
two words...techno handjob
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I love you.
Bad choice
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