I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
