She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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