I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
