I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
