wake up i wanna do it froggy style
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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