Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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