Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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