Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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