member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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