Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
