As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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