well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Boobs speak an international language.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
